Dealing With Emotions.....

I feel like I have taken 10 steps back in this grief.  I am feeling so lost as to how do I continue on like this?  Without Deaken?  what's next?  I have so many questions I don't know the answers to and worried I will never know. There is nothing specific that triggers these emotions I am going through, it is just all around me, everyday, this is my life...

Many emotions came over me while Jeff and I were away on our honeymoon.  The last time I was in Cayman Deaken was with me, in my belly.  I remember how much more active he was when we were there, as if he knew we were in paradise!  I recall my dad saying "It is going to be so neat to see baby D here playing in the sand by the ocean." It hurts so much to know his grandparents had those hopes and dreams for him too....

 While on our honeymoon why wouldn't there be kids/babies everywhere???  I try so hard not to stare and lose myself but it consumes me, all I can think of is that should be Deaken or Deaken would be about that age.  I just don't know how to get around it.

Although I was dealing with a lot of emotion, depression and grief, Jeff and I did have a very nice time.  We didn't do much, just spent quality time together.  On the 17Th we went on a sunset sail which was a perfect night and made me feel very close to my husband and our baby boy in heaven.  There is nothing more relaxing than the sunset and the ocean;)