I am finding it harder to write lately. I am feeling a little guilty that my blog isn't very uplifting or positive. I have sat down many times to write and end with the delete button, I just don't want to bother people with all this. But you are reading this for a reason, right?
It has been a year and 5 months since Deaken has been gone, I am in no way "Healed" or "moving on." Life isn't the same and I struggle everyday to be what people would consider normal. This weekend Deaken should have been 18 months (1 1/2 years). My mind totally blocked the date out! I was feeling extra sensitive and depressed Friday not really knowing why. A good friend let me know she was thinking of me Saturday morning (Thank You Angie) then it hit it was the 17Th, my body knew, but my mind didn't want to remind me. 18 months is hitting me hard and very sharp to my heart.
I want more than anything to physically be a mom. Right now in our life may not be the right time to plan something like this, with the move coming up, but when is the right time? Are you ever really ready? Deaken was not planned and we were by no means ready for a baby, but we got ready and we were going to make it work. I will leave this thought with...." We will see what happens....."
On another note, last weekend September 10TH was the 2ND Annual Alex CHD walk. I made the trip with 2 great friends (Amanda & Nellie). We made it a mini girls trip and I had a very nice time catching up.
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| Angel Mommies David's mommy Jolene Hazel's mommy Angela Deaken's mommy Me |
