Some People....

I have been frustrated this week... I usually blow off stupid things people say to me but I am getting real irritated at the last few things said to me. I get that people don't know what to say and may find it awkward to be around me. If that is the case I think I would rather be upset that you didn't mention Deaken than to hear you say stupid things that would upset me more.

Now I may take things the wrong way or think too much into what is said to me but please know when you ask "How things are going?" (Referring to Deaken) and I say "It is hard..ect.." and the response is "Really??" (In a surprised tone!) I would love to smack this person in the face with a shoe! Because I knew about his heart before hand it really shouldn't of been a surprise he didn't make it according to this person. This person also states I must have done something for Deaken's heart to be so wrong and shook their head in disbelief that there is no known cause for CHD. I cannot believe some people and how they just don't have any common sense... I am hurt by these comments and can't believe someone would have the guts to have a conversation with me like this...Just unbelievable.


Losing Deaken is not a sickness that I will get over, I will not get "better". I have my days when I can function just fine and some may feel like I am better. This is so far from what is really going on with me... In public or around others I have to hold it together, I fear of making things awkward. If I keep my mind busy I am able to function but I have found if I fill my days, weekends and stay busy there is a time when I crash...It hits me so much harder when I try to keep my head busy. I could go on and on about what not to say or do to someone that is grieving...A good friend came out and asked what someone grieving needs. I would say be there for them, to talk or just a shoulder to cry on. Stay in touch (email, text, call or visit) even if they don't answer or cancel plans with you. This is nothing against you, it takes a lot to have a conversation or to get out in public. Remember, Remember Deaken. Ask about the loved one...Ask me about Deaken. I love to talk about him and would love to share normal baby things with anyone about him...Like how he hated his diaper changed or anyone messing with his feet. He loved when I kissed his neck and when Jeff and I would smother his chubby cheeks. He was at ease when I would tickle his face with the silk of his blanket. I miss my time with him so very much. We may not have a baby at home but Jeff and I are a mommy and daddy please don't forget.

This video was one I didn't know existed or forgot about until a few weeks ago. It melts my heart, feeding Deaken was precious time with him. He would get too sleepy when I held him so I would have to feed him in his bed.