Keep on trucking.....

Not sure where to start tonight, A lot has happened this past week/weekend. After my last blog last week, my week was a struggle but weekend ended on a good note which reminded me how much support we have.

I will begin to tell you about my Friday night... I had a crappy week and Friday's plan was to stay home and feel sorry for myself. My mother in law got great seats to the gopher hockey game and invited me along, so I decided that sounded better than plan A. As we were leaving the game and navigating through Minneapolis I started to recognize street names, places Jeff and I would eat and felt my stomach knotting up. I knew we were near Deaken's "temporary home" but didn't think it would have such an effect on me. I shed some tears on the way back to the house and waited until I got home to let myself fall apart (This I can only do alone). I have never felt this kind of pain as I did Friday night and Saturday morning. I wish nobody would ever have this kind of pain. The knots, heaviness, pressure, loneliness, fear, fog, failure....and so on... This I feel everyday but I guess not all at the same time which is just too much for one to handle.

I know I wasn't alone that night, I couldn't have been otherwise I don't know how I could make it through. I was just recalling the night we got the call that Deaken had "taken a turn for the worst" (I will never forget those words) The only thing I remember thinking on the drive back to the hospital was "If Deaken doesn't make it either will I, there is no life after him." I am not alone and feel I have been carried through. It is amazing the things you can get through even in thinking you could never, this goes for anything in life.

Saturday evening turned into another reminder I am not alone and many are thinking of Jeff, Deaken and me daily. It was quite a surprise when we showed up at Jeff's sisters house thinking we were just having a usual Saturday dinner, twins game and game night. Friends started showing up with the best surprise and gift ever! Thanks to the very best friends ever Deaken's name will be on the new memory wall at Target field! Jeff and I are speechless and so honored to be Deaken's mommy and daddy=) It means so much because not only are we Twins fans (even if they didn't win) Deaken's last day was on opening day April 12TH. We spent the day watching the game with him in my arms.

Yesterday marked 6 months without my little mutty boy. We know he is here with us and some I have told the stories about the little things that have happened to us. Last night we believe he was checking in on us again, letting us know he is okay and safe. To make a long story short Maize stopped going in her and Deaken's room after he passed and when she does she looks up at the crib and will do a short bark (If you know her you know what I am talking about!) Well last night as we were getting into bed and turning the lights out she started to do her short barking and went into the room looking up at the crib....this happened three times last night. Weird huh? well this also happened last month on the 17TH (Goosebumps yet?) This doesn't scare me it actually gives Jeff and I some peace, that he is here with us.

So very proud! We placed this on our mantel.  Special Thank you to everyone who made this happen=)
Amanda, Leiann, Lauren, Molly & Adam, Amelia & Adam, Jamie & Dan, Nellie, Brent, Drew, Tony & Tonya, Wachal & Angie, Julie, Amy, E Nelsen, Elizabeth & Ryan, Brink & Sabrina, Post & Suzy and our parents Scot & Lori and John & Kim.