A little Overwhelmed!

Tonight sleep isn't coming easily, I just have too much on my mind.  I have often wondered what people meant when I heard them say  "My heart aches for you."  I found out quickly after we lost Deaken that a heart truly does ache for your loss and for others.  My heart is aching very much for a family that lost their 6 month old to a heart defect along with a clotting disorder.  Reading his caringbridge brought back so many memories, not that I have forgot them but just really hits home knowing a piece of what they have ahead of them. 

Life has been very overwhelming lately and I can imagine it will be like this for the next 4 months.  For those that don't know, Jeff and I are planning our "wedding celebration" (that's what I like to call it) for April 30Th. Side note: We were married before Deaken was born but didn't get to have our "Dream Wedding" so plan on it now.   We both are very excited about the celebration but sometimes I wonder why am I adding this extra stress especially this time of year!  It does help a little to keep my mind off of the main milestone that is coming up in March.  To add to our plate as if we don't have enough going on Jeff and I have decided it is time to move closer to our family and buy a house! How am I feeling about this??? I am excited to have a house with a yard and won't look back on this townhouse living! I am feeling a little sad in the sense that this is my house that I built and picked the options for and this is where Jeff and I started our life with the hopes and dreams to bring Deaken home to, we made it our home.  It will be a good "fresh" start at a new house though, I can't imagine that if I am blessed with another baby and bringing the baby home to the room we had planned for Deaken, I just don't know how I would feel about that.  It will be nice to get excited again and put together a nursery, if that makes any sense.