Life is a struggle.....

Losing Deaken has  been the hardest thing I have ever had to cope with in my short 25 years.  I can't imagine going through anything more life altering.  Losing your child is not something you can compare, each death holds a different sense of loss.

This past week I was in a rather selfish mood. (Please forgive me for my thoughts) I was drawn to the TV after hearing "THE WORST DAYS OF THEIR LIVES AND THE MIRACULOUS TWIST OF FATE." Not knowing the story I thought to myself, Nothing can be worse then losing your baby, now what is someone complaining about.... Come to find out this couple had loss all three of their children in a horrific car crash.
 Yes, Deaken isn't here with us anymore but I could not even begin to imagine in a split second losing all three of my children and the amount of grief that would set in on their hearts, I just cannot compare my story to their's.  The  thing we had in common is losing our babies and now how do we continue on in life.  I didn't get to see the rest of the show and read online that almost a year to the death date of their children they were blesses with triplets! 2 girls and a boy just like the first three children.  If that isn't a twist of fate I don't know what is! I so strongly believe those that suffer will be blessed, maybe not today or tomorrow but for sure in the end. I have Hope.

I know I haven't wrote in awhile, things are very crazy and busy.  I am just trying to keep my balance on life and taking the steps I need to make it through each day, also with a lot of help from friends and family.  Thank you to all those that continue to remember Deaken on his special days.  He would be 10 months this coming Monday, with our aching hearts Jeff and I long for what could of been.  I have said in a previous post I would do anything to take Deaken's pain away and prayed many times to give the pain to me... God answered that prayer and now Deaken has a whole heart in heaven and mine is here broken.  To be honest I wouldn't want it any other way, I can handle this pain even when sometimes I feel I can't.  It would of killed me to see him go through what life had in store for him.  Keeping that thought is what keeps me going......