8 Months old........

It is so crazy the way the mind works, today I woke up with no feeling at all.  No ache in my heart, lump in my throat and no stomach knots...I just felt nothing.  I took the day off work and got a massage this morning and then I get home and that nothing feeling turned into more than I can take pain.  I can't believe Deaken would be 8 months old today, I would give anything to know what it is like to have an 8 month old. 

I am starting to feel like I am in my own little grieving world lately, time does move on and people too.  I just can't see past this pain and just wish I could skip these next few months.  Christmas is right around the corner and I am dreading it ( Go ahead call me the Grinch!)  My family for the past 8 years now have spent Christmas in Grand Cayman (I know poor me!).  Jeff would spend the week before Christmas down there and back home to spend with his family, so Jeff and I haven't spent actual Christmas together which I am happy to do this year.  I think just being home this year because we planned on Deaken being here is just a harsh reminder that he is really gone.

Happy 8 months old baby boy....Hope you are flying high with your angel friends.  Love you and miss you ever day.