Rough Start To 2012

So far this year has given us many blessings with a healthy baby on the way, our new house coming along and a new job for me! But it sure has been hard to focus on these blessings when we have been hit so hard with the reality of cancer.  In January we got news that my soon to be aunt has an inoperable Brain tumor, Jeff's Grampy stopped treatment for his leukemia and my mom being diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer.  Unfortunately, last week Grampy lost his fight and left us way too soon.  We were really hoping for more time with him and hoped he would be here to meet his second great grandson.  He was an amazing man and I am so fortunate I got to know him.  It gives me comfort to think Deaken now has someone in heaven with him that he spent time with here on earth.

The reality of cancer or any serious illness has really set in, you just don't think it can happen so close to you.  The road for my mom and our family is going to be long.  It breaks my heart that I couldn't be with her today as she started her first round of Chemotherapy.  I have a nasty cold and just can't risk being around her and getting her sick.  She will have chemo once every three weeks for sixteen weeks.  The "cocktail" they are using is strong and she will lose her hair and be very sick, according to the doctors.   I can't even imagine what she is going through, all this is hard for me to swallow.  It is so unfair she is so young and has so much life to live.  We are praying for a miracle and that this isn't a life long battle for her,  It means more to us to have a quality life.

This year feels so much like a repeat of 2010.  I haven't had too much time to think or take in that Deaken would have been 2 years old in the next couple weeks. I am not sure what we will plan for that Saturday, maybe just dinner and send up a balloon. I hate that, that's how we have to spend that day, without him.....I miss him so much.

Little Update

As many of you know, Jeff and I found out about 4 weeks ago that our second little one will be another boy! But, most importantly he looks like a heart healthy, all around perfect little baby.  We are beyond excited and I am even feeling myself feel a sense of calm after having this last ultrasound.

 It is still hard to imagine this is real and we may really be taking this baby home with us. It is hard for me to talk about or even get excited about because I am always waiting for something to go wrong.  At my last appointment I was in disbelief that everything looked good. With Deaken every appointment there was always some kind of bad news delivered of his condition. I don't know what it is like to have a healthy baby, but in a way I feel very blessed to know what it is like to not have a healthy baby.  I have learned so much about life and what not to take for granted having Deaken, this makes having this baby even more special to us.

Thank you to everyone for thinking of and praying for us and our little one!